gruesome seconds turned into hours into days into weeks... and sadly, into months! the fact that i've been through the last (and worst part) of my seventeen years of existence, i am suffering from a loss of a friend that i never knew why.
people who consider themselves as friends think that i've fallen in love with this person. but the problem is, we never even got to know each other that well, putting beside professional tales that we've worked together. they think it's my own choice of wanting to see that person, of needing to talk or get the eyes look into mine... the desires of the heart, can't just be wasted into the bin...
but is this infatuation? that maybe really puzzles me. and still, no answer can be found.
some time later, even if it would only be less than two months before the two of us end this working relationship we had, there was a sudden change of hearts. this person turned out to be the last and farthest person i could reach, out of my grasp, and impossible to hold on to. sadly, and for the worst part, it felt like i was never known by this friend. as if i was exiled in the community of friends this person has established. i was shun out of the light, the hope that i'm expecting to give me some courage and face the truth with you.
but no, destiny wanted me to stay away. it forced me to bid goodbye forever. and in just a flick of an eye... you were gone...
and now, sitting here to the point of nowhere, i question myself why the hell am i waiting for? sometimes yes, the only thing to get my life going on is force myself to forget this person and just move on, find another... but damn hell this shit! it's killing me!
i just wished everything would end the way they should be, and not by how you want it. i am hoping that we could see each other again and talk, even for the last time, settle the final score, at least try making ends meet, resolve issues and see one good smile... and finally, a goodbye that would really shatter my bones, strain my muscles, squish my brain and drain my heart... a goodbye that will mark the end of line and another starting point for both of us, yet on separate ways... for we have learned this time. these, i'm still praying for.
help me... you have to unveil me from a blanket of fear, hatred and anguish pain. i love you, do i?
No comments:
Post a Comment