OH YEAH, UNFAIR

Almost everyone surrounding you gives you the creeps.
Yet, in just one sentence... one word... you shattered.
And unfortunately, I shattered you.

Oh yeah, unfair.

You suddenly blow up.
While everyone else fired six rounds of bullets at you.
My single shot seems to be perfectly aimed.
Because you did take the hit.

Oh yeah, unfair.

Maybe it'd be different if instead of me, someone else.
Maybe it'd be different if it was someone closer to you.
Maybe it'd be different if you took it just like you took everyone else's.

Yeah, in the end, you'll just remind me to just shut up.
Oh yeah, unfair.

WHAT MAKES AND BREAKS ME

1. Family
2. Friends
3. Money

PAGLILINAW

Lilinawin ko lang po:
Gusto ko na pong mamatay, at hindi po yung gusto ko na'ng magpakamatay.
Magkaiba po silang dalawa.
Maraming salamat.

Alam kong mas duwag pakinggan yung una, na tila ba hihintayin ko na lang na may mangyari sa'kin. Kesa aksyunan ko ka'gad ang buhay ko, heto ako't umaasang may may mangyayaring aksidente o sakuna, o kaya nama'y mabibiktima ako ng isang matinding sakit na hanggang ngayo'y wala pa ring lunas.

Oo, duwag nga ako. Takot akong hamakin ang sarili ko. Takot akong masisi. Dahil tumatatak pa rin sa isip ko kung sakaling gagawin ko yun: na sa halip na intindihin nila kung bakit ko ginawa yun, agad-agad silang manghuhusga.

Kaya nga ginawa/gagawin ko yun eh, dahil hindi ko na kinakaya ang mga mapalinlang at mga taksil ninyong panghuhusga. Hanggang sa kamatayan ko ba naman?

Depression is a medical condition

"Explain that depression is a medical condition, caused by chemical imbalances in the brain. It   is not a sign of weakness or some kind of character flaw, and usually gets better with treatment."

Source: 8 ways to compassionately support someone with depression

TALK TO ME

In my mind, I was determined to seek advice from a guidance counselor of the school I am teaching at. But as my classes are scheduled on the weekend, no one was available.
I have also considered talking to one of the HR officers of the company I am working with.

Because I have questions.
Do we have means of determining and monitoring the mental/emotional/psychological health, like tests, consultations, or something?
Do we actually monitor these things?

A lot has been going through my mind.
Whenever news dawns on me, especially if it involves family, I get distracted. I become confused. I get to be extra-sensitive and start over-thinking things: relationships, work, activities, and more. I feel conscious of the people around me: their actions, their facial expressions and reactions. I would worry more than usual.

And then I'm stuck with nowhere.

So I wanted to be sure. But I'm not sure where to start. Even when I looked it up online, I couldn't convince myself of the things I already knew beforehand.

I realized it's impossible for online tests not to exist. I took four.

from depression.org.nz

from psychtests.com

Disorder	Your Score
Major Depression:	Moderate
Dysthymia:	High-Moderate
Bipolar Disorder:	Very Slight
Cyclothymia:	Slight-Moderate
Seasonal Affective Disorder:	Moderate
Postpartum Depression:	N/A
Take the Depression Test
from depression.org.nz

from psychcentral.com

So how accurate are they? How reliable are they?

In the end, I will need someone to talk to.

EMPATHETIC

every move seems too noticeable
familiar steps make it more obvious
with the slightest hushes and glances
the corner of my eye catches

probable reasons spark up
senseless thoughts running my mind
what i saw, why i think
into a state of insecurity

those eyes that peek through
murmurs that are inaudibly deafening
gestures that become suspicious
and when all together, they make me nervous

guesses formulated on a fast track
the which is asked, the real and the obvious
deceived by lies, and they may be truths
but i don't want to end up as the joke

so i stayed back, pinched myself
focus and pressure, ignore and escape
later it can be laughed off, or the next day
but right now, it's a big deal for me

NO ONE ANYWAY

i wonder why i still hold on
for a long time i've known i should already have
no one's been telling me how stupid i am
but their faces show their pity on me
no one wants to believe me
no one even wants to listen anymore

if i have to move on, i have to let go.

TRUST ME

don't make me trust you
i doubt you'll even exceed me
though with your assurance
i still am not at ease
did not need it, i couldn't say
that past is all that it is
and please, make me forget how i wanted to be near you.

the brim continues to flow
and yet i force myself to stop it
out my hands this water escapes
reminding me of too much for nothing
...efforts for nothing

maybe i'm deaf and blind
ignorance plays the apathetic part for me
my heart beats for a closure
but not wanting that kiss of goodbye

a tear would never roll down this cheek
i realized i have lost this enchantment,
the end in mind to keep going

please hold my hand tight
i do not want to let go...

MAHIRAP MAG-ISA

ang hirap nung ikaw yung gumagawa ng lahat ng paraan para makipag-ayos lang. ang hirap nung pakiramdam na ikaw ang may kasalanan, kahit alam mong naibigay ang lahat ng kaya mo. ang hirap magalit sa kanya, sisihin siya sa mga kasalanan niya at maningil ng utang na loob dahil ayaw mong lumala lang ang namumuong mantsa sa inyong pagsasama.

mahirap, dahil mahal mo yung taong yun.

mahirap dahil walang nasusuklian sa lahat ng sinakripisyo mo. mahirap mag-isa.

FOUR MYSTERIES OF LOVE

#1
siguro nga hindi ko na kailangang pakialaman ang buhay mo, dahil kahit kailan hindi ka nagkaroon ng pakialam sa akin. (sarili mo lang kasi inaalala mo)

#2
no, i don't trust you yet. and i'm not the best friend that you have to go through (there's someone else, if you should know). it's just that we've been through our best and worst times together. and we've grown to trust one another. i know you understand, and we can be friends, too.

#3
pride ko na ang nagdidikta sa'kin kung bakit nanghihinayang ako sa ginawa mo. umasa ako na makakarating ka. ni hindi ka nagpaliwanag. tapusin na lang natin 'to.

#4
bakit ganun, hindi ko magawang magalit sa'yo? kahit nasa harapan ko na ang kasalanang nagawa mo, natitigilan pa rin ako dahil sa kakaalala sa'yo. gusto kasi kita, pero yun ba ang nagiging mas matimbang sa lahat ng mga bagay na namamagitan sa'ting dalawa?

BUILDING HATRED

i've been from hell to experience this multitude of experiences that keep on telling me that i should start making my own moves now.

ah yes, i've let the environment predict what's in store for me. i've allowed them to push me deeper into a labyrinth of nowhere. these experiences and these people i have come to grow up with have mindlessly made me realize that they're actually already trying to take me down.

and i find it not funny anymore. the joke they find on me has backfired on them. but the impact it would make would crash in on everyone's blind spot, where this plan of an evil nemesis is at work.

i'm getting tired already. my patience is starting to wear out and my egocentric humane is starting to eat me up.

i am at the brink of collapsing into my own world, the biggest defense. everything else would be shut off and the only rule i would follow would be to pursue my personal interest and bring down the crab-oriented demons.

this is my plan to save myself. the world now has transformed itself to a living nightmare, turning everyone against one another and where pride is the priority among everything else. this is where a mistake shall be corrected by another. the hard way has been chosen as the way out.

i am on my own now. it is not easy for me to trust, but that would be the least of my concerns. today, the competition starts now to get to the top and i have to emerge victory to show everyone how selfish they are. and so i have to become one, too.

it would be difficult to turn back now, there was a gunfire in my mind. the race has begun.

hopefully, i'd stay alive in the end...

PAANO MO AKO PALALAYAIN

sino ba naman ang hindi naniniwala na nakapagpapalaya ang katotohanan? sino ba naman ang hindi gagaan ang pakiramdam matapos ibuhos and dating naninikip at nananakal na saloobin? sino ba naman ang hindi mabubunutan ng tinik at mababawasan ang pasang dala-dala ng daigdig matapos pagdaan at lagpasan ang lahat ng pasakit at hirap?

hindi nga ba't nakapagtataka ang mga karanasang sadyang mapagtanto at sinungaling? bakit kaya hindi mawari ang sariling kalayaan na kung ang tinataya ay ang mga bagay na kapantay ang halaga? nagkakaroon nga ba ng katwiran ang pagsasakripisyo sa mga pinaniniwalaan nating hindi na ganoon kahalaga?

totoo, hindi patas kung umasta sa'tin ang mundo, ang tadhana. nakasanayan nitong magbigay ng isang mabigat na pagsubok, sa paniniwalang masusukat dito kung gaano tayo karapat-dapat para sa mga nakatakda at nauukol na bagay.

ngunit hindi ba dapat ng lahat ng mga nangyayari sa takbo ng ating buhay ay nasa ating pagmamanipula? sarili natin ang gumagawa ng desisyon, ng sariling pamamaraan. tayo ang gumagawa ng tadhana. hindi dapat tayo sumisisi sa langit sa mga kahirapan o mga pagsubok na dinadaanan. naging desisyon natin ang dumaan sa mahirap at masukal na gubat, hindi nag-atubiling maghanap ng mas maikling at ligtas na daan.

hindi ibang tao ang magiging dahilan ng ating pagbagsak. hindi ibang tao ang magiging dahilan ng ating paghihirap. ang tanging kinalaman lang nila sa buhay mo ay nakasabayan mo lang sila, tapos. hindi habambuhay sisisihin mo ang taong sumaktan sa'yo, dahil kahit papano ay may naging pagkukulang ka rin.

kung naiipit ka sa isang sitwasyon dahil nararamdaman mong iniwan ka na, hindi maaaring tumunganga't mangisi. maghanap ng paraan. walang dumadating na pagkakataon kung hindi naman ito hinahanap ng taos sa puso.

hindi sa lahat ng oras ay mali ang paniniwala mo. hindi mo lang ito naipaglalaban. kaya ang nagiging kinalabasan ay nauunahan ka na ng iba sa karera.

maaaring sabihin na impluwensiya lang sa'tin ang mga taong nakapaligid. saktan man nila tayo, paibigin, kaibiganin, o mahalin, ito'y dahil sa atin. pero hindi sila ang magdidikta kung ano ang nararapat na tahakin.

totoo, magkakaugnay ang lahat ng tao. angng taimtim at malalim na pag-iintindi ang kailangan upang masilayan ang mga dapat abutin.

sa huli, ikaw pa rin ang magpapalaya sa sarili mo.

PAG-IBIG, KAIBIGAN

ngayon ko masasabi
na madali akong nahuhulog sa taong mabait sa'kin
sa taong ngumingiti, at napapangiti rin ako
sa masarap kausap at masayang kasama
(at minsan, masarap ding yakapin).

ang problema nga lang,
kaibigan ko pa ang nakikita ko

pero naisip ko lang din,
wala naman naaabot sa isang relasyon
kung hindi dadaan sa pagkakaibigan,
ang pinakabasiko ng lahat.

dito ko rin masasabi
at sabihin na nating malaking bagay sa'kin
na sa una nga'y tumitingin ako sa panlabas na anyo
ngunit iba pa rin ang naibubunyag ng kalooban.

damdamin ang pinapagana ng utak
ngunit kasama nito'y alanganin sa sarili
kung kanyang tiwala ang pag-uusapan
humihirap lang ang mga araw na hindi siya nakikita

mahirap talagang maging maligaya
ngunit sa pagkakataong masulyapan siya
napapawi ang pinoproblemaat sumasaya ako ...kahit sandali lang

A WRITER'S HOLD

my writing is lost
and seems hard to find it
i tried my mind for any word
but my imagination just went extinct

the entity of being is gone
passion now could have been numb
insensitive my heart does not thump
my soul was eerie dead and out of love

where is my strength my life
i dare wait but ended still waiting
the wind attempted blowing me away to fade
i did not hold back and let inside the caress

touch my soul and find my light
the sanity of truth hides my path
i am blinded and threatened to flee
but this fight i only had has to last

trapped in a thoughtless mind
this world only sees a dark vast
the iris felt this silent dead white
and a voiceless cry was distant and dry

it is a sword of rust forced to drive
the smith fails to persuade the stillness
glistening cut cannot break this world apart
and each strand would stand as doom touches down

within is the only choice of hope
the surreal thinking is but a mere fog
an illusion is the puzzle be sifted through
and the real war would surface after the wake up

LAB TRAYANGGOL

mahal kita, mahal mo siya, mahal niya'y iba.
mahal kita, mahal mo siya, mahal ka rin niya.
mahal kita, mahal mo siya, mahal niya'y ako.

hindi ba't parang nakakasawa na? lagi tayong nalalagay sa alinman sa tatlong sitwasyon na iyan. na para bang ang buong buhay natin ay isang maganda at makulay na teleserye. na araw-araw live telecast lagi at walang retakes.

at dahil para na ngang soap opera na ang dating nito, lahat tayo nangangarap na lamang sa: MAHAL KITA, MAHAL MO'Y AKO.

ganun kasimple.

pero ang nakapagtataka lang diyan, ang pagkakataong yan ay sa mga katangi-tanging kaibigan o sa mga kakilala natin naipagkakaloob. alam kong nakakainggit ang mga taong inilaan talaga ng tadhana para sa isa't isa. na para bang napakaswerte nila dahil hindi na sila nahirapan hanapin ang kanilang "significant other."

sa mga naiinggit naman, kadalasa'y hindi na mapakali. sumasama lang ang loob. naiinis sa sarili dahil bakit parang ang daming problema sa mundo, ang daming tanong na walang mahanap na kasagutan, at ang daming kaibigan na halos nahuhulog na ang loob...

para bang wala nang katarungan sa mundo. ang mga mapalad ay yung mga taong hindi na dumadaan sa teleserye. una pa lang nilang makilala ang isa't isa, it must already be love! at sa iba naman, parang auditions sa pag-ibig na madalas ay rejected o denied ang kinalabasan.

yun nga lang, mas makulay ang buhay ng mga ito. nagiging mahirap lang tignan ito in a very optimistic manner. walang excitement ang buhay kung hindi mapagdadaanan lahat ng klaseng emosyon. at walang thrill kung walang love triangle.

sana nga lang ikaw yung pinag-aagawan... hindi yung binabalewala.

SCOURGE OF CHARACTER

at one talk that i attended, we were reminded of Johari's window. it pertains to a reality of how much one knows himself, how others know him, and how much no one knows anything at all. we are encouraged to change everything so that doubting oneself (or being doubted) would be no problem at all.

but it ain't that easy. as far as i know (though i can't say i tried).

how would you discover the remainder of your character if everyone would not just cooperate? how would you solve the dilemma of a man when other people do not even bother confront him with his own evil? how would you know you're stupid when you're too dumb to figure it out?

agh, everything is just plain wrong. no one just couldn't understand the reality of a life that has to be left drifting with the unpredictable currents of the ocean.

in short, it's the challenge in seeking beyond the truth in finding who one really is.

there are the backfighters. they had all the glory telling other people your mistakes and how they dislike you, but they never had the guts to shove it all to you face-to-face.

they are crabs. arrogant to their own way of thinking. these wimps might not even have the slightest ideas that other third-persons are also traitors.

far more trying-hard quixotic are the all-knowing wizard impostors. the answers to everything are the wits of the mind, and it's not difficult for them to manipulate others' weaknesses into meer dots. they're the meanest crabs that only look down upon those they step upon. sadly, his mind does not stop from racing into lunacy.

and then comes the advantageous user. it's in your absence of consciousness that kept you attached to other people to 'help' you along the way. you tend to depend on them even at the most minimal effect of change. you thoroughly believe that you do not mean harm, until one of your company notices that things are going out of hand.

you make it a point that everyone would take a liking for you, their affection is yours. and it's in your conviction that you get to know yourself more through others.

dead wrong, sir. again, you depended on them. it's such a pity that you could not convince yourself into a journey of your own and try to understand the minor role that others could play. they are not the storytellers, neither do they rephrase everything for you.

only a dying knight would let others do the uncovering of his own armor. such a weakling would be an idiot if he did not even attempt to fight the fear of his own blood.

there would be no end to this agony of man. it is the punishment of the misunderstood. even the sending down the prophets would be of no use, for they would not be listened to.

is there a way? the nirvana of the self is nowhere. meditation would not be enough to understand a design so grand that you have to see the others' own need to be helped.

no man is an island. if he does not find the trust he's looking for among his companions, then he won't be able to trust himself. the clouds of doubt and fear will overshadow the voyage of truth. and a sad fate of his own blindless could led him to his unsatisfying death.

how long should one wait? it's not in the choosing of friends, it's believing in yourself that you've got the right people to carry you through. and at the same time, make them believe that you'll do the same for them. no backfighter, no abusive user. everyone's a shipmate.

...but sometimes, it's too late to realize this.

THE PEOPLE TRAP

i'm still trapped in a world full of crap. everything i've tried to make the changes did not work out as planned. and so far, it only gets colder and worse.

the people here do not understand the essence of growing up. they have no idea what torture they are already doing to themselves, blinded by pride and deceit. it's killing them alright, but they never give a damn about it.

these men and women do not ever bother to learn from their mistakes. they believe they have never done anything wrong, ever. and it's not even them who will pass down judgment, because they insist on going with the flow of the universal fate.

what's with these people who fully depend on the world's grand design? how can one confide himself to something he could not even hold with his own two hands?

something's really crazy with these people. and there was nothing i hoped for here. they're realling convinced, and i just couldn't stop them.

i now have to escape, save myself. but i'm trapped...

LIMIT BREAK

i found it extremely uncomfortable upon realizing that putting up an extra effort could be a waste of time. to the most of what i've been trying to do, worthless they seem to be... expecially in the eyes of the mischievous and judgmental others.

this is not an expression of depression. rather, a big sigh to a clear blue sky that never understands. the worse part of it is that i am forced to compromise for its own sake.

at a moment i would observe these finished, put up a smile but later on take pity upon them. for time will not even allow them to breathe the world they are expected to step into.

i have to do something. but oppose to all these, i have to make things my way.

SIYA NG NAKARAAN

nakakawala ng ganang gumawa ng entry dito sa blogspot, ang hirap kasi magmodify ng layout eh. hindi ko tuloy maramdaman yung "urge" para gumawa o magsulat ng bago.

ang daming bumabagabag sa isip ko itong mga nakaraang linggo. sa sobrang dami hindi ko malaman kung ano ang uunahin ko't pagtutuunan ng pansin. marahil ay narinig mo na itong reklamong ito dati pa, pero hanggang ngayon kasi wala pa rin akong napatutunguhan.

binigyan ako ng isang napakahabang panahon para makapag-isip, balikan ang oras at tignan ang mga taong nakasama ko sa mga sandaling iyon. kadalasa'y may mukha ng isang kaibigan na tila hindi mabura-bura sa alaala ko. tapos na kung anuman ang namagitan sa'min noon, pero tila yata hanggang ngayon hindi ko matanggap ang kinahinatnan ng pagsasama namin.

akala ko tapos na. kaya ko na muling itakbo sa ayos ang buhay ko, naghilom na ang sugat at hindi na kailangang pansinin pa ang naging peklat na idinulot nito.

bakit kaya sa tuwing kasama ko ang iba'y nagagawa ko namang iwanan ang masamang nakaraan, ngunit sa panahong nakapag-iisa ako't nagmumuni-muni'y siya ang naipipinta ng aking isipan?naguguluhan ako. pinilit kong maniwala na hindi ko na siya kailangan, kahit masakit. ang kontrata ng aming pagkakaibigan ay napawalang bisa na, wala ring silbi kung pipilitin kong "i-renew" pa iyon. siya rin ang umayaw at lumayo.

siya marahil ang idadahilan ko kung bakit ako madalas malungkot at tila wala sa tamang direksyon sa buhay. siya ang sisisihin ko kung mawalan ako ng inspirasyon para gumawa ng mga bagay na ikatutuwa ng lahat. siya ang ituturo kong maysala sa pagnakaw ng malaking bahagi ng buhay ko...

siya lang, wala ng iba. ang puno't dulo ng lahat ng pagsisisi ng pinagdaraanan ko. hindi nga ba siya ang lumapit sa'kin noon dahil kailangan niya ako? tinanggap ko kung anuman siya, nagtagal at gumanda ang pagsasama. ngunit sa isang iglap, nawala.

mahal ko na yata siya. hindi ko alam. pero siguro nga.

TULAD SANA NG DATI, KAIBIGAN

ganun talaga ang takbo ng buhay, hindi mo maintindihan. sa paglipas ng panahon, kahit sabihin na nating sandali lang ang mga nagdaang linggo, wala na talagang nakakaalam kung ano ba talaga ang nangyayari sa bawat isa sa atin.

isang kaibigan ang aking nakilala. hindi naglaon, nagkahiwalay din kami ng landas na tinahak. walang pinag-usapan, nangyari na lang. tapos.

kung tutuusin, hindi ito ang unang beses na nangyari sa buhay ko (o maski na sa kahit kaninong nakaranas na ganitong sitwasyon). maraming tao ang ating makikilala at sadyang dadaan lang sa buhay natin. hindi natin mahuhulaan kung kailan sila magtatagal, o kung kailan sila muling mapapadaan muli. normal lang ito, sa totoo lang. pero masakit ito sa atin lalo na kung malaki ang inaasahan natin sa mga partikular na kaibigan.

lumaki akong palakaibigan at madaling makilala ng lahat, isa talaga sa maipagmamalaki ng kahit sino. sa kabilang banda, hindi ako madaling magtiwala sa kung sinu-sino man dahil na rin siguro sa mga mapapait na nakaraan. marami ang nagtitiwala sa akin; tumatakbo papalit kung mayroon mang problema, o kung may kailangan lang mapaglabasan ng sama ng loob. natural na ang aking pagiging "shock absorber," at ang kalihim ng karamihan. wala akong maisip na matinong dahilan, pero sabihin na nating naging talento ko na rin ito...

sa mga kaibigang madalas kong nakakasama, nakakapalitan ng ilang mga kwento, iilan lang talaga ang napagsasabihan ko ng saloobin ko. hindi ako makwentong tao, lalo na kung sarili na ang pinag-uusapan. kaya kong makipag-usap sa kahit anong klaseng paksa ang maisip, maliban lamang sa sarili. siguro'y mas gusto ko lang ang makinig sa kwento ng iba at magsasalita lang kung hinihingan ng opinyon. ni ang magsimula ng isang matinong usapan ay hindi ko magawa, dito ako nagiging mahiyain.

pero hindi naging hadlang dito ang pagiging matapat at totoo sa kanila. hindi ko kinailangang magsinungaling maging plastik para lang makibagay sa ibang tao. nakikilala lang talaga ako ng karamihan kung ano ang nakikita't naririnig nila mula sa akin. kakaunti lang ang nakakaintindi ng mga tinatago ko't pinapaniwalaan ko.

kaya mahirap para sa aking ang maghanap ng isang kaibigan na buo kong maipagkakatiwala ang aking sarili. siguro ang ganung klaseng ideyal na relasyon ay nakukuha rin sa patuloy na komunikasyon sa isa't isa. dahil doon naman talaga nagkakakilala ang dalawang tao lalo eh.

may nakilala akong kaibigan, na hindi ko inaasahan na magkakalapit din kami. dati ay nagkukrus lang kami ng landas, hanggang sa isang araw ay bigla na lang kaming pinagtagpo ng pagkakataon. hindi niya ikinahiyang mag-open up sa'kin, inamin ang ilang mga bagay sa harap ko, at tinanggap ko siya ng walang alinlangan. dito nagsimula ang isang bumubuting samahan.

nagpatuloy ang lalong pagkilala namin sa isa't isa dahil sa patuloy na komunikasyon, magtetext kami kung may pagkakataon (noon ay hindi pa uso ang UnlimiTXT), o kung minsan ay sa YM. mag-uusap sa telepono hanggang madaling araw, anuman ang marinig namin sa radyo o kahit anu pa man ay pinatulan namin. minsan tahimik ang magkabilang dulo ng linya, pero okay lang sa'min yun, hanggang sa isa sa'min ay antukin na. mahilig kaming makinig sa mga tugtugin pumipitik sa'ming mga damdamin, at uulit-ulitin niya kung talagang ramdam niya ang mga titik ng awit. sa mga katuwaan namin nagiging isip-bata kami, at maselan kung seryoso. ibang klaseng samahan, nagkakampihan at naroon pa rin ang tiwala. kahit iba na ang tingin ng mga taong nakapaligid sa'min, hindi pa rin kami nagpatinag.

hay... ang sarap sariwain ang mga araw noon. mahirap nang balikan at ulitin dahil ang kaibigang ito ay iniwan na ako't pinagpatuloy na niya ang buhay niya na hindi ako kasama. ang mas masakit pa doon, nagmukha akong tanga sa kakaasa na babalikan niya ako para akayin muli.

masyadong biglaan ang mga nangyari, hindi ko maipaliwanag. nagbago ang lahat sa isang kislap. na sa tuwing nagkikita kami ay parang "magkakilala" na lang ang turing niya sa akin. wala na ang kamustahan na dati'y may kasama pang kakulitan. wala na ang unahang magbatian sa YM, ang mga text na pangangamusta. wala na samahan hangga't mapagod ang isa. wala na ang daungan ng problema. hindi na tulad ng dati.

hindi ko alam kung naninibago pa rin ba ako o kahit papano'y nakausad na'ko. alam kong may sarili din akong buhay na kailangan kong harapin ng mag-isa, pero hindi ibig sabihin nun na kailangan ko nang bitiwan ang mga taong nauugnay sa aking nakaraan.

siguro nga hindi ko pa kayang mapag-isa. dahil ko nakakayanan ang maiwan ng tao. sa kaibigan kong ito, marami akong gustong sabihin sa kanya. at umaasa pa rin ako na maibalik ang dati.