there would be no need for me to try and recover. i've realized that i'm over with everything i despised and the only thing that keeps me from stepping forward is avoiding my steps on top of them.
iron balls chained around me unusually get a lot heavier when things seem to be so damn forgotten. the thing is, they do not want to be extinct to the memory that continues to haunt me. though i attempt to bring along a giant scissor, the link seemed like the golden thread woven by those three mythical bitches.
if two existing beings like us are torn apart because of some unexplainable drama, another comes to rescue and stupidly pairs us knowing it impossible to succeed. yet the problem is, that third being seems to enjoy it... add to that the so-called friends who just watch from behind and give themselves a laugh of their own.
i would actually have to pity a person who doesn't seem to understand that even though he would try his best to connect two worthless people, it would be of his own embarrassment tom fulfill. i myself confronted the fact, but they never gave up. sadly, they're the ones who i must cut off... and slid their throats all at once.
there are others apart from them. they think i am behind a beautiful mask well hidden off in the woods. ignorant i am, i kept every word they say to myself, knowing that time would pass by and everything would simply buried. yet their hunger for the worse is unavoidable, and they succeed in finding new preys. it's shit to hear names who are now victims with the truth never proven, yet believed. dare i might say stand up in front of them and tell everything, but i believe no one will hesitate to pull me down and scream in my ears how stupid i am for being a liar.
the sore loser stands still. and i have to gun them down now. i'm tired already with all the fuck i get from them. and they have to thank me for a soothing aura i envelop around myself. the truth is what i hold, not theirs to eat.
i bid everyone to talk... and sigh in the end.
28 December 2005
13 December 2005
SO YOU THINK I AM ONE?
no more beating around the bushes, sir... it is time to get it straight to the point... and i mean straight! 'coz this is what i am supposed to elaborate on...
people tend to find me as one of those happy-go-lucky kids lurking around to have and enjoy life simply at its best. conclude the point that i am no boredom. indeed, i am the life i own, always on full tank and nevertheless, inextinguishable.
but the eyes of telltalers unsatisfy their own withness to a reality basic to the ordinary. little details are emphasized to reveal the bigger picture. it is believed i've been hiding something sacred to the most of the society.
with just a little wicked smile starting to spread across their faces, they think they have already reached the point of discovery. what is thought of as the door to the deep, dark abyss is seen to be the key to my own downfall.
it's got to do something with a personality said to be hidden beneath with all my actions. if you're trying to decipher yourself but still in the midst of confusion, you can just ask me straight to my face and everything would be fine... but i don't know if that would still be the case after i answer.
to those who think they are right with what they are thinking, though... here's the answer... and defy me when i say it's a REAL answer.
i am not. simple as that: a no no, sir.
i grew up in a community where the existence of all classes of mankind can be distinguished. i enrolled in two schools where i am prone to different people of different races, cultures, beliefs and statures. it came to the point where i have to face them because of the responsibilities i took. i won't deny that the people around me, especially friends, really are a big influence on me. there would be times when i absent-mindedly would imitate their own actions and make them mine in the end. and there was no stoppping of being a part of them myself.
i am childish, and i put on a temper when i don't get my way even at the most simple thought. i would walk sheepishly with my hands clenching to the straps of my backpack like a toddler going to nursery. i would scream in delight, shout in horror, say bad words with disgust, and talk like it's the last time i would... there's no regret with that, and i have no problem with these.
it's just that people are too absurd to be judgmental, and i can't blame them for that... this is the society i was born to. and i have to face the fact that some people are just plain white stupid. sometimes, i just wish i was more of the serious side, than be the funny one. that way, i won't be looked as another being trapped in a worthless body.
clear my conscience, then.
people tend to find me as one of those happy-go-lucky kids lurking around to have and enjoy life simply at its best. conclude the point that i am no boredom. indeed, i am the life i own, always on full tank and nevertheless, inextinguishable.
but the eyes of telltalers unsatisfy their own withness to a reality basic to the ordinary. little details are emphasized to reveal the bigger picture. it is believed i've been hiding something sacred to the most of the society.
with just a little wicked smile starting to spread across their faces, they think they have already reached the point of discovery. what is thought of as the door to the deep, dark abyss is seen to be the key to my own downfall.
it's got to do something with a personality said to be hidden beneath with all my actions. if you're trying to decipher yourself but still in the midst of confusion, you can just ask me straight to my face and everything would be fine... but i don't know if that would still be the case after i answer.
to those who think they are right with what they are thinking, though... here's the answer... and defy me when i say it's a REAL answer.
i am not. simple as that: a no no, sir.
i grew up in a community where the existence of all classes of mankind can be distinguished. i enrolled in two schools where i am prone to different people of different races, cultures, beliefs and statures. it came to the point where i have to face them because of the responsibilities i took. i won't deny that the people around me, especially friends, really are a big influence on me. there would be times when i absent-mindedly would imitate their own actions and make them mine in the end. and there was no stoppping of being a part of them myself.
i am childish, and i put on a temper when i don't get my way even at the most simple thought. i would walk sheepishly with my hands clenching to the straps of my backpack like a toddler going to nursery. i would scream in delight, shout in horror, say bad words with disgust, and talk like it's the last time i would... there's no regret with that, and i have no problem with these.
it's just that people are too absurd to be judgmental, and i can't blame them for that... this is the society i was born to. and i have to face the fact that some people are just plain white stupid. sometimes, i just wish i was more of the serious side, than be the funny one. that way, i won't be looked as another being trapped in a worthless body.
clear my conscience, then.
05 December 2005
DID I HEAR A GOODBYE?
work really has been very demanding this past week. striving hard for a succesful event is time consuming and stressing. i even got sick in the near end, sadly. yet being driven by passion and for the love of simply in motion kept me standing for the activities that lie ahead.
but enough with that. managing at the proper caused stutters and a mode of panic. funny thing is, i enjoyed it as much as i have done in the preparations. so there was nothing of a bit painstakingly suicidal.
oh yes, i was expecting the nonses to remain nonsense, the shit to stay simply shit. but hell did i realize that the person of such disgrace would still come and bring along the burning purgatory.
good thing, i didn't mind. but i ignored the presence, anyway there are other matters that needed more attention at those moments.
yet at the end of a successful project, after bringing down the now-junk logistics and piling them for the bin, some organizers other than me started to leave.
then i heard a goodbye.
i heard a simple, casual goodbye.
all the time i am with this person, along with other colleagues, we're the only ones who never bade farewell to each other. as if the other never exists at all.
(sighs with a sad smile...)
i do not know what i really am wishing for. i couldn't decide if i wished i totally heard the word. anyway i wasn't even looking when i heard it.
if that was real, maybe i could finally manage a smile to this person; work with informally and not too serious anymore. escape from a cold civil war i've been traped into for a very long time.
yes, finally...!
but if it's not, then everything's not over yet.
but enough with that. managing at the proper caused stutters and a mode of panic. funny thing is, i enjoyed it as much as i have done in the preparations. so there was nothing of a bit painstakingly suicidal.
oh yes, i was expecting the nonses to remain nonsense, the shit to stay simply shit. but hell did i realize that the person of such disgrace would still come and bring along the burning purgatory.
good thing, i didn't mind. but i ignored the presence, anyway there are other matters that needed more attention at those moments.
yet at the end of a successful project, after bringing down the now-junk logistics and piling them for the bin, some organizers other than me started to leave.
then i heard a goodbye.
i heard a simple, casual goodbye.
all the time i am with this person, along with other colleagues, we're the only ones who never bade farewell to each other. as if the other never exists at all.
(sighs with a sad smile...)
i do not know what i really am wishing for. i couldn't decide if i wished i totally heard the word. anyway i wasn't even looking when i heard it.
if that was real, maybe i could finally manage a smile to this person; work with informally and not too serious anymore. escape from a cold civil war i've been traped into for a very long time.
yes, finally...!
but if it's not, then everything's not over yet.
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